Today's Times tells us about how Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver (who has, in the past, been accused of ignoring sexual-harassment allegations against his colleagues) swiftly called for a meeting of the Assembly's Ethics Committee after an affair between a married upstate legislator and a 19-year-old intern came to light. The sex scandal was revealed Tuesday night when the blog PoliticsWNY.com posted steamy e-mails between the assemblyman, Sam Hoyt (D-Buffalo), and his former aide. The Times reprints only small segments of the e-mails, as they are pretty tawdry and kind of gross. But, luckily, the Post published one of them in full! See, reading salacious e-mail between lovers is like overhearing other people have sex — it's kind of riveting, but it makes you embarrassed to be a human. Sort of like the early episodes of a season of American Idol! Anyway, here are our favorite parts of one of the e-mails, titled "What I wish…"

that i could be painting your toenails right now…that i could see you do that little cheerleader move…that you could be my human alarm clock…that i could be your human lollipop…that i could be modeling my cool penguin boxers for you tonight…that you could tell me i am yummy (i love that)…that i could tell you that no woman has ever done for me physically what you do for me…that i could shower in your shower with all that girly stuff…that I could see your ducks…

Mmm. Cost of getting a mid-career divorce over your affair with a teenage intern when there is electronic proof of the liaisons: 50 percent of your assets, and a portion of your salary and pension for the rest of your life.

Having all of your constituents not be able to look at you without imagining some combination of penguins and ducks? Priceless.

Intimate E-Mail Prompts Inquiry in the Assembly [NYT]
I'D BE YOUR 'LOLLIPOP' [NYP]
Sam Hoyt's non-Apology [SamHoyt.com]

Remember when we told you that a high-end strip joint was going to open up in Chelsea, and was billing itself as "The Ritz-Carlton of Gentleman's Clubs"? Well, it turns out the story of the Sapphire Lounge has an awkward new twist — yes, beyond the fact that someone is trying to put a "classy" strip joint on Eleventh Avenue and 23rd Street. Turns out the club will overlook a lovely, well-used children's playground! (If it makes you feel a bit better, remember that strippers tend to work after dark, when public playgrounds are closed.) Curbed made this observation (and has more details about the adjacent fifteen-story hotel that's planned), and we can't help but agree with one of their commenters: "To be five again … what a thrill."

Chelsea Strip Club Would Have Great Playground Views [Curbed]
Earlier: Chelsea to Get the ‘Ritz-Carlton of Gentleman’s Clubs’

Now that the mainstream media is picking up everything that the National Enquirer reports about John Edwards, we've been sort of thrown into a tizzy. The latest word from the tabloid is that the day before Edwards admitted his affair with Hunter on Nightline, Hunter and her daughter, Frances Quinn, were flown on a chartered Learjet to St. Croix. Her stay on the Caribbean island, the Enquirer says, was paid for by a trial-lawyer friend of Edwards's named Lee Rohn. We have no idea whether this is reliable information. But for some reason we do trust the cover photo on the magazine, which shows a joyful Rielle Hunter showing off little Frances Quinn. Now, we are not the kind of people who look at babies and say "Oh, he looks like his DADA. Oh yes he does. Oh yes he does." We never think babies look like anybody, ever, except for maybe Truman Capote. But contrary to what we've been told, that kid does not look like John Edwards in a onesie.

John Edwards Blockbuster New Expose [National Enquirer]
Earlier: Rielle Hunter's Baby Looks Like John Edwards in a Onesie

Yesterday it was announced that Rachel Maddow, the funny Air America radio personality, would take over Dan Abrams's 9-10 p.m. slot on MSNBC. How was word officially spread? By Keith Olbermann himself, Maddow's mentor, on the ultraliberal blog collective Daily Kos — not through a press release, not through an on-air announcement, not through a conference call with MSNBC head honcho Phil Griffin. The Times' Bill Carter only got his own story about the change together three hours later.

Things of note about this change:

• Before we were totally gay (and reverse gay) for Rachel Maddow. Now we may actually be a little bit tranny for her.
• Dan Abrams, who was the former general manager of MSNBC and will go back to a more administrative role, is being a really good sport about this. We hear the network really wants him to stay, but TVNewser suspects he'll leave after his contract runs out, as he has interest from other networks.
• Olbermann is more than a little bit proud of his role in all this. "Yes, I had something to do with it," he crowed in his Daily Kos post.
• Olbermann seems to now be officially in control of the new direction of MSNBC. "Keith has wanted someone who agrees with him after his show. He was pushing to get Joe Scarborough out, and that continued after Dan took that time slot," said a source with knowledge of the decision-making process. "It's not about Dan or about Joe, it's about Keith. Congratulations, Keith Olbermann, you now run MSNBC."

We, of course, are slightly less interested in Keith's gleeful reaction than we are in Bill O'Reilly's over at Fox. Remember all the fun he used to have with liberal lesbian Rosie O'Donnell while she was on The View? We give him two weeks until he says something homophobic about Maddow, or at least a comment about her hairdo — which is totally the same thing.

MSNBC Re-Orders Primetime Lineup [NYT]

Remember the above video from this summer, in which police officer Patrick Pogan body-slammed a biker during a Critical Mass ride through Times Square? Well, Pogan was briefly suspended and the matter is under investigation by the district attorney's office. But some civil-rights advocates who have been agitating for more NYPD oversight have seized upon the incident. They're calling on David Paterson to consider the idea of a permanent special prosecutor to examine police misconduct. A spokeswoman for Paterson said he is indeed considering picking an independent official to look into the bicycle incident, and is considering making it a permanent role.

According to the Villager, Paterson has always been sensitive to police-abuse issues — he was arrested in 1999 (while he was a state senator), alongside NAACP president Kweise Mfume and a group of other protesters, for blocking the entrance to NYPD headquarters in protest of the shooting of Amadou Diallo. The last time a special prosecutor's office was created was in 1972, under Nelson Rockefeller. Its goal was to investigate police corruption, but it was disbanded by Mario Cuomo in 1990. Opponents of the idea say that District Attorney Robert Morgenthau — who has prosecuted over 200 cop-related crimes since 1975 — and the NYPD's own Internal Affairs department are more than enough to take care of the problem.

Cyclist slam renews calls for special prosecutor [Villager]

The title pretty much says it all. Mama Lopez, who gave birth to twins Emme and Max in March, is already training for the 22nd Annual Malibu Triathlon. She went on Good Morning America yesterday to share exercise tips, but she had a couple of complaints. From Courtney Hazlett's MSNBC "Scoop" column:

Lopez … was overheard saying after the segment that she "couldn't understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer," according to a GMA source. "She couldn't come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps's name, and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not 'the swimmer.'"

We know, we know. It's almost too easy. But, in her defense, there was a time when she could move large sectors of the American public to jump out of their seats, scream and weep. Don't pretend you don't remember Anaconda and El Cantante — like Phelps's last victory, those memories will be forever scalded onto your brain.

Phelps, schmelps! J.Lo’s also in training [MSNBC]
Earlier: Where Were You When Michael Phelps Won His Eighth Gold Medal?

You know, we would tease the two Today show hosts for this ridiculous video, but the amazing level of focus and planning (and costume design!) that clearly went into their routine is actually pretty impressive. We're kind of in awe, especially of the Chinese audience they roped in to participate. Matt Lauer has interviewed the last three sitting presidents, and he still gets to act like he's in a high school talent competition every morning? He has the best job ever.

Matt and Al's Rhythm Routine [MSNBC]

Early yesterday, a brazen thief stole a two-headed turtle from a Brooklyn pet store. This is a dramatic reenactment:

Larry: Wow, since that newspaper article came out about us, there have been a lot more people in the pet store lately.
Rupert: I know. It's kind of annoying.
Larry: Don’t they realize we don't need to be petted? We have shells.
Rupert: Oh, look, what's this? Who is that?
Larry: Eeee! That tickles. Wait — stop!
Rupert: What's happening? Why are we being picked up! Help! HAAAAAAALP!
Larry: Dammit, the owner is flirting with some girl over here, just as we are getting turtle-napped.
Rupert: Ugh, figures. Oof! I hate it when they put us in their pockets. Your head picks up lint like the diaper of a Dumpster baby.
Larry: My head? You're the one who can't keep your mouth shut, Paris Hilton. How many times have I had to shit out those damn blue pebbles from our terrarium?
Rupert: Oh, shut up. Your head looks like a penis. Even more than mine! [Long silence.] Man, it's dark in here.
Larry: I wonder where we're going?
Rupert: Probably to Coney Island. Again.
Larry: At least there are two of us. We can use the first-person plural and make jokes to one another, even if no one is around to listen.
Rupert: I bet this is what it's like to be a blogger.

Two-headed turtle stolen from Brooklyn pet store [NYDN]

Remember when ImClone founder Sam Waksal got thrown in jail for doing himself a favor and dumping $10 million of his own company's stock when he heard that the FDA was not going to approve his cancer drug? It was actually the favor that he paid Martha Stewart — telling her to dump her own shares, which eventually landed her in the clink — that made the most headlines. Well, it looks like he's back in the favor-exchange game. Waksal was just released from jail and is now living out of a halfway house in the Bronx, which isn't exactly the kind of New York City lifestyle a wealthy entrepreneur like him is used to (his drug was finally approved, by the way). But Waksal somehow manages to avoid spending too much time with his fellow ex-cons, the Post reports. Staff at the Bronx Community Re-Entry Center cleared out the reception area for him when he checked in, and warned other residents that they can't talk to the press about him. As always, that worked out very well — a source has already ratted to the tabloid that Waksal was released for a weekend furlough in the city. Still, Waksal is trying to stay grounded as he serves the rest of his sentence. He came back to the halfway house on Sunday toting a bag from Smythson — which, as everyone knows, is the preferred stationery for prison diaries.

'HALF' LIFE OF MARTHA CONVICT [NYP]
Related: Sam Waksal’s Return to New York [NYM]
Martha Stewart, Who Knew? [NYM]

Women's magazines often make women feel inadequate. That's, like, what they do. But seldom do they make us feel quite so inadequate as September's Elle, which features a woman called Winter Raymond:

When 27-year-old Winter Raymond isn't slogging through her third year of law school in Boston, she's in Seoul, Korea, juggling a law firm internship, a fledgling company (Seoulplay, a concierge service for business travelers she launched last year) and burgeoning TV stardom on the Korean answer to The Dating Game, in which she hits the town with famous comedians.

Really? How is that even possible? It's like she's one of those characters from Heroes. Also she apparently does all this wearing $1,500 Jimmy Choo sandals and carrying a $2,595 Gucci bag. We, on the other hand, can't even put on earrings in the morning (the effort makes us nauseated). We totally hated her immediately. Then we saw a clip of her on Korean TV show Hello, Monday Night.